I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
