I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
