It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
