There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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