This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
