i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
