i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
