Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My ass is underappreciated
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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