I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Randomize
