I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
