She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
