It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
