areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
