We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
