That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
