I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
