Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
