Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
In America we eat man semen.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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