Dual....:-)
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
