I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
