guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
