While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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