i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
