Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize