im having a threesome with these popsicles
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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