dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
