Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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