Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize