forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
