this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
