Don't you send me to vm
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
