My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
