We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize