hell yes lets make some ravioli
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
