i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize