just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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