so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
