I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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