Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
