One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every concussion has its silver lining
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
