Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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