I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
