I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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