oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
