oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
