my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
