Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
