I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
