I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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