Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
