no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
