Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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