She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
