Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
