If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
