First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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