Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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