There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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