Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
