he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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