remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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