In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize