We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
