If i come over, it means nothing
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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