Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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