Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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