she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
