So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize