I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
