your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
